"Chronic" means it doesn't end. As humans we adapt to situations we find ourselves in which allows us to survive the bad and the good. Surviving gives us strength to stand against the next challenge. And when we break we learn new things. It's called growth and it hurts. I've learned that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is a resource for these times, not an insurance policy against them. And the principals of faith and prayer and blessings and the plan of salvation really do bring comfort. They don't however erase the pain. That's where we show that we will remain true and faithful by enduring through whatever comes our way. Like Job. He was poetic and inspiring but it was miserable for him.
So what does the time between the crises look like? There is alot of work to pick up the peices after you shatter and strengthen your self for the next surge. There is a lot of work to comfort and strengthen the family, individually and collectively, before the next trial. There needs to be time to rest but I don't do so good on that because I'm always trying to make sure Kyle and the other kids are ok and make sure that all those who offered support know they are valued because I need them to be there next time too and I want to be reciprocal in my friendships. It's alot of crying, journaling, grieving and starting over. Recommitting to things like exercise, healthy eating, playing and laughing, relaxing, letting your nerves relax but never knowing when the next crisis will leap out at you. It's alot of doctor visits, lots of record keeping of symptoms, hours of medical care daily as Kyle heals from the last event. It's watching strange rashes delevop on your son and not know why, it's caring for a bottom that's bled everyday for three weeks and almost everyday for just over two months. It's watching and helping the girls through their anger and resentment of their brother. It's helping Dimitri with his insecurity because mom and Kyle were gone again for a long time. It's trying to maintain and strengthen a marriage that's taxed. It's recommitting to dog training so we can get his service dog credentials.
It's celebrating birthdays, grocery shopping, watching movies, snuggling, eating ice cream, hosting end of school parties, planning summer camps, remodeling houses, doing laundry and dishes. All the while trying not to remember that these medical issues are life threatening and Kyle may be called home without me expecting it. It's trying to focus on the joy and savor the precious times while living in the shadow of life altering possibilities.
It's called Life. ☺ Today the sun is bright and the air is clear. The birds are singing and the trees are glorious. Life goes on.
Spring
Spring, this post was so beautiful. There is so much I want to talk with you about. I want to talk when it's quiet and my kids won't interrupt, but it doesn't ever seem to happen.
ReplyDeleteI loved hearing your thoughts about what life looks like during the in-between. I know you've had so much of the other lately, so I'm glad that even though it isn't easy, you're able to have a little in-between. My heart is aching for the struggles that are constant in your life, though. I often wonder how it all pans out in the long run. How will our understanding change and what will we fall on our knees in profound gratitude for when we understand it all? What will still be a mystery? What will just be a "that's life.?"
I just know you're quite remarkable in what you manage. You are in my daily thoughts and prayers (and I mean that).